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the funky faery

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[18 Dec 2004|12:21am]

I'm new, but that's irrelevant. I've come to post a story I wrote last year (based on truth but exagerated slightly) about a friend of mine and her unfortunate encounter while having "relations" in a cemetary.

THE GREAT KASEY & Sex In The CemetaryCollapse )
is it funky?

[23 Jul 2003|04:11pm]



Once upon a time there has a young PHONE SEX OPERATOR named RUFIE. He was FASTLY SUCKING in the GREEN forest when he met SKANKY REDMAN, a run-away PROSTITUTE from the SMELLY Queen LEWANDA.

RUFIE could see that SKANKY REDMAN was hungry so he reached into his PANTS and give him his WRINKLED SALAMI. SKANKY REDMAN was thankful for RUFIE's SALAMI, so he told RUFIE a very ERECT story about Queen LEWANDA's daughter SHOQUEEFA. How her mother, the SMELLY Queen LEWANDA, kept her locked away in a LIBRARY protected by a gigantic BUNNY, because SHOQUEEFA was so THROBBING.

RUFIE FARTED. He vowed to SKANKY REDMAN the PROSTITUTE that he would save the THROBBING SHOQUEEFA. He would LICKED the BUNNY, and take SHOQUEEFA far away from her eveil mother, the SMELLY Queen LEWANDA, and HIT her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a WET TORNADO and SKANKY REDMAN the PROSTITUTE began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic BUNNY from his story. SMELLY Queen LEWANDA POOPED out from behind a DILDO and struck RUFIE dead. In the far off LIBRARY you could hear a POOP.


Make your own Fairy Tale at fuali.com

is it funky?

[27 Mar 2003|01:38am]

[ mood | creative ]

WARNING: The following matter involves sexual content. Viewer Discretion is advised.

I was trying to go for enticing, but I'm not such a good judge, or it just may be that I'm too hard on myself, anyways if you're interested then please do read and then comment in regards of what you think. Much appreciated.
Read more...Collapse )

is it funky?

Help, please? [13 Feb 2003|11:19pm]

[ mood | busy ]

I don't know if anyone's around or reading this, but if you're out there, could you please just read through this (it's not too long) and give me some feedback? I'd like to know if you'd add/remove anything, if anything is unclear, and if it's a good story (ie: you find the story builds up to a climax, even if it's slight). I appreciate any help in the next few hours (this is due tomorrow).

Eeot stood at the podium, looking at her audience of scholars, reporters and the public, all interested in what she had to say. The topic: the creatures that roamed before Earth this era. Research into their planet’s past had been going on for years since these people acquired new technology , and now the researchers were finally ready to release their findings in the usual manner, with as complete a report as possible and the information available to all.

The audience waited quietly, patiently; ready to absorb the information as soon as Eeot could deliver it. She moved one of her appendages up and began to relate her findings through gesticulations and a telepathic word here and there for emphasis. This was the first time the information Eeot had gathered throughout the last fifteen years was being delivered to the public. Their excitement was evident, as they absorbed the information as quickly as she related it to them.

"Much time ago, there lived another race of beings on our planet. We found enough documentation to determine that they had many languages, but the most dominant one in later years was called English, and in this language, they called themselves humans. Before humans died out, the majority of them had taken on this language.

"Humans went through many stages of evolution. We found many skeletons, and through our dating system found that in some areas, the bone structures show increasing decay the closer they are to our time. The Earth back then, had many landmasses, a few of them ten times larger than any of the three we have today. We can only assume that some areas of the Earth were healthier than others: that the skeletons found on the larger land masses showed more decay as time passed because of high amounts of pollution created in those areas. This must be the case, as we found uncommon elements in the bone structures of the beings from the larger landmasses than the ones from the smaller masses, which were similar in makeup to the earliest skeleton bone structures found.

"The research team spent many hours out in the open sea, collecting objects now fastened to coral, and digging deep into the sands at the bottom of the water to find objects humans created. We then analyzed the objects and applied what knowledge we could decipher from the documentation of the humans to these objects to get a better idea of what they used them for, and therefore what they valued.

"We found many, many things." Here Eeot began to project images of the items found into the audience members’ minds as she spoke and described each item.
"This is an early personal transportation vehicle, highly decayed. We assume the beings placed great importance on traveling from one destination to another at high speeds. We found much documentation that indicated cars, as the humans called these vehicles, were extremely important to their society. As we searched, we found more transportation vehicles, increased in what we assume was speed and technology. The later vehicles we found, and the documentation that accompanied them, indicated that they were guided by computers and used highly sophisticated systems to navigate them, as opposed to the earlier versions which only had viewscreens and onboard, digital maps to assist the driver..
"The humans had many of what they called electronics. These evolved from the primitive handheld personal computer to much more complex, and much smaller, systems that combined sound, image and text to create whole worlds in which the humans could explore fantasy for entertainment, and reality for education.
"They placed a great importance on consumption: various companies pushed products and services onto the general public in order to receive vast amounts of their currency. This drove their society - everything revolved around it. If some people didn’t have any, they were left on the street to die in extreme weather conditions. Later, people with no money were seen as such a nuisance that they were rounded up and herded off to other continents, left to fend for themselves.
"Humans had a technology they called Artificial Intelligence - which were, essentially, smart robots - to aid them in various routine tasks that they felt took up too much of their time. This race of artificially intelligent beings was modeled in the shape of humans, and we found a few on which to base our assumptions of what humans looked like.

"Their countries began to develop large weapons of mass destruction. To fire off one of these would have caused a large portion of the Earth to be uninhabitable for hundreds of years, not to mention the mutilations it would have caused in these humans. These weapons were nuclear, created by splitting the atom. The largest and most politically charged countries developed strong nuclear presences and used their presences to intimidate other countries. Security was unstable and war was imminent for many decades. We do not, however, have documentation of a war ever happening.

"Earth today has very few land masses compared to what it used to. Water is abundant, though we can only live in it when its temperature is at a certain level. The rest of the time we must remain on land or below the waters in our cities protected by glass . Earth was not always like this. At one point, the humans had a lot more land to live on. They couldn't live in water - only on it, in vessels called ships. These floated on top of the water, allowing a small amount of people to live in them for short periods of time. Some had homes on smaller ships, usually in canals.

"Advanced medical care allowed people to live unnaturally long lives . This caused overpopulation proven by our dicovery of ms graves, where bodies were thrown in on top of the other. Burning corpses became a highly documented pollution problem. It became quite difficult for the humans to dispose of corpses safely. Eventually, they burned them in contained areas, purified the smoke and ejected the ashes into space.

"This is an incomplete picture of human society. We do not know what came before this, but everything must come from something and so we continue our search. We have not found much about the time before the era I spoke of today. I fear we will never know what they came from, or what happened before humans came about. Did another race rule the Earth before them? Some of the documentation mentions fossils and their decay into something called fossil fuels. These powered much of their lives, so anything that came before has probably long since decayed and been used as fuel by their society.

"We also do not know what became of humans. We do not know why their race died out, but we will continue to search the depths of the oceans until we find out. We will not let this go, as this is our planet’s history and is therefore important to our identity."

Eeot finished her conclusion, and stepped away from the podium. She knew debates and discussions would now arise from the information she had related to the audience, and she would receive much feedback and many questions over the next while that she could concentrate on attempting to answer.

A few days later, one of Eeot’s research team ran into her office.

"Eeot, I’ve discovered the ending to our history," he gesticulated to her. She jumped over to him, and waved her three appendages around excitedly.

"Laaot! What have you found?" In her excitement, she couldn’t help telepathically shouting each word at him.

Laaot smiled.

"Come and see." He turned and left the office, gliding quickly along the halls to his lab.

"I found this piece of equipment three excursions ago. It’s the reason I asked to stay behind and be excused from analysing the new data we’ve been collecting. It took me a while to figure it out, but once I did…" He turned it on and began to show her how it worked. Eeot smiled, knowing he’d found a gem.
Eeot stood at the podium once more. Questions had been flying about since her last information relation. Trying not to gesticulate too excitedly, she waited for the audience’s attention. They were as excited as her, eager for the conclusion to her story.

"Last time I related information about Earth’s history, I told said we did not know how the race of humans died out. In the ensuing weeks, a member of my research team, Laaot, discovered the answer through a piece of technology he found on one of our excursions.

"This piece of technology was different than the others, in that it required much more interaction." Eeot projected telepathically to her audience the image of the technology, and of Laaot using it.

"Laaot wore the piece on his head, and before him a large screen came up. It was rich with layered images and text, all of it describing many years of history of the humans . It ended with a chilling tale of competition and hatred that ultimately resulted in the loss of humans from this planet.

"There were originally many countries on the different continents that populated Earth. They were separated by fictitious lines, a way of creating communities of people with similar locations and interests. Eventually, these lines between countries dissolved and three nations remained: The Americas (the smallest of the three landmasses we know today), Europe (the largest of the three) and The South (the medium sized of the three), which was a coalition of the southern continents. Humans were once divided into different races. These included combinations of people with pale skin and brown, blond or red hair with green, blue or brown eyes; people with light brown to dark brown skin with dark brown and black hair, and dark brown eyes; and people with olive skin, dark hair and dark brown eyes. Eventually, everyone in The Americas and Europe became so mixed through breeding that their skin colour became gray, their hair all became mousy brown and their eyes became gray.

"The South still believed in pure blood and only bred within their separate races. They still retained the colours of their ancestors, and hated The Americas and Europe for diluting their roots to such a point that all their past was erased in their gray uniformity. Likewise, The Americas and Europe hated The South for having such different views and not opening up their minds to new possibilities. Eventually they developed their philosophy to the point where they believed they could only evolve if everyone mixed, and that The South humans would never become more than what they were because they wouldn’t mix. This was when each nation’s nuclear presence increased. They did understand how destructive nuclear weapons could be and so a truce was drawn up not to use them. Still, each nation kept its weapons.

"According to the documentation, The Americas and The South had the strongest dislike for each other. Europe was allied with The Americas but didn’t actively hate The South as much as The Americas did.

"The Americas were very advanced in technology. They had incorporated a race of even more technologically advanced humans, once called the Japanese, into their own a few hundred years earlier, and so benefited from their knowledge and insight. They eventually developed warp technology and were about to launch into space, when all the tensions and hatred for them coming from The South culminated.

"The South wanted to get into outer space - that is, the space beyond our moon - before anyone else. They also felt that only purists should go into space, as they feared those who intermixed would not be hesitant to intermix with other alien races - a danger, they felt, to the identity of humans.

"They launched a nuclear missile and devastated The Americas. Nothing was left. Europe discovered what had happened almost instantly - they were in constant contact with The Americas, and monitored the earth from information stations. They launched their missile to The South, fearing their own safety. But it was too late - The South had already launched their missile.

"All nations were wiped out in less than three hours. A few humans had bomb shelters and the author of this document survived long enough in one of those to document the end of humans."

2 funky things| is it funky?

[26 Jan 2003|10:41pm]

[ mood | hopeful ]

Hello everybody!

I'm an aspiring human who writes stories, I just finished one and I'd love some feedback. Its a short novel crossing the spaghetti western and the fantasy adventure genres. Alice in Wonderland Once Upon a Time in the west. Anyhow, the title is Otherworld: this ain't my world, pal and I'd love to hear what everyone thinks of it! If you got a little time on your hands and want to try a new world on for size... give it a shot... shots.

Download it here... it has pictures:


If you want, (and are hip to it) you can download all the spiffy fonts I use in the novel ( just unzip them and put them in C:/windows/fonts/):


I'm hoping to sketch some more characters as time goes by and then do one more major revision and then try to get some publishing attention... I've had a little in the past, but not for anything this size. Aich! But I'm really proud of the story... so help me out!?!?!

is it funky?

a note from your moderator [26 Jan 2003|06:46pm]

[ mood | bouncy ]

i mwan more posts!:) and more members! tell everyone!

i also want more friends, add me :)

1 funky thing| is it funky?

Tonight's Top Story: [20 Dec 2002|10:35pm]

Once there was a little purple gremlin named Toby. Toby had been living in one of US Air's hangers for a LONG time, causing many a plane crash and devastating the lives of millions with a big ol smile on his face. So one day Toby the purple gremlin was suction-cupped to the front of the plane, right above the window that Jeremy was looking out of. You see, Jeremy was the pilot of this particular flight. The plane was flying from Neutron to Proton when all of a sudden Jeremy saw sparks, and it wasn't from Lulu the flight attendant that made all the men (and women) drool. Instead the controls were going haywire and making all kinds of pretty twinkling lights of magenta and puce. Jeremy jumped up and bumped his head on the ceiling and before you knew it he saw the ugliest purple gremlin head peering through his window with a face of wonderment and glee. Toby was waving and snickering at Jeremy who by now was circling around the cock pit wailing like a school girl and flapping his arms in the air. Lulu peeked through the door after hearing the wailing and decided to pants Jeremy before gliding (because she never did ran or walked - she glided) towards first class and said "Get ready for some mmm turbulence" Everyone knew Lulu's codeword and panic struck everywhere until the Giant Pink Peep of Prosperity swooped down onto the plane and grabbed Toby by the ear with it's marshmallowie goodness beak. Toby went on a sky diving adventure and the plane, now in flames in front, was being safely and slowly taken down by the Giant Pink Peep of Prosperity before it melted into an olympic-sized pool of marshmallow goo that the survivors ate and had Lulu and other passengers marshmallow wrestle in before they were saved by the ESU (Electron Safety Unit)
The End.
is it funky?

haha lol [21 Oct 2002|10:35pm]

Quit stalking me zach !!!!! I don't want any more dildoes and the FTD boy is sick of delivering to my crack house ! I told you i was allergic to dead flowers anyways! You can send me another pubic hair necklace if you really want, but JUST DON'T TALK TO ME, you skanky poop clown ! You think you're bootylicious but I don't find that genital wart on your nostril so attractive anymore. No it DID NOT turn me on when you showed up at LCHS wearing only your poop brown spanky panties -- everybody was disgusted by your pierced clitoris . I g2g cause bob saget is on the phone--just go back to your bed and leave me alone!!!!!
is it funky?

Hey, I'm new. Here's a story! [18 Oct 2002|10:26pm]

[ mood | bitchy ]

What Sasha Saw

“It was dark outside.” Sasha repeated, as though we hadn’t heard her the other twenty times.
“Got it, Sasha. What else? What did you see?” Sasha turned to frown at Robert.

“It was dark outside.” She said yet again, and Robert picked up the vase on the table and promptly hurled it against the wall, where it crashed into a million tiny pieces that I would, undoubtedly, have to pick up later. But right now, there was Sasha, and what Sasha may or may not have seen as, apparently, it was dark outside.

“Sasha, sweetheart. What did you see?” Instead of repeating that same sentence, Sasha simply turned her face away again, and stared at the blank wall in front of her.

We had tried to sit her in front of the window, but she had very nearly panicked. So she was frightened, all right, and either driven mad by what she may or may not have seen, or else playing a joke. She did that often. No one was sure why. She had been a good kid, only speaking when spoken to and all that, but when teenage set it, Sasha turned mean and began playing jokes on people that nobody found funny except herself. Only now, there was the blood on the soles of her shoes, and the sound of something trying to scratch it’s way through the front door. If it was a practical joke, it was more elaborate than Sasha usually had the patience for. And then there was that smell, that something-died-under-the-house-and-is-rotting-there smell that can’t be faked or duplicated, only it wasn’t coming from under the house, it was coming from Sasha, and getting worse all the time. Pretty soon we’d have to see about getting her a bath or perfume or air-freshener or something. Maybe a breath mint. I noticed that the smell got worse every time she opened her mouth.

Robert was now trying to shake the story out of her, but to no avail. She only looked up at him with closed eyes and lips.

“Dammit try something, Maggie!” I pushed him aside and knelt in front of our little sister.

“Sweetheart, you went outside tonight, right?” Sasha nodded mutely.

“All right. That’s something.”

“We already knew that, Maggie.” Robert practically spat at me, and I forgave him silently because he was just scared. Whenever Robert got scared, he acted mean, as most boys do. And he was only seventeen, he could hardly be expected to handle a strange situation like this well. If only Mom and Dad were here, they’d know how to make Sasha all right.

“What happened when you went outside tonight, Sasha?” I asked calmly, and Sasha replied equally as calmly;

“It was dark outside.” and I heard Robert kick something. I thought it was the wall, although later I found out it was the coffee table in the sitting room. But I digress, that really isn’t of any matter whatsoever.
“All right, Sasha. What happened when it was dark outside?” and Sasha’s face went suddenly very, very pale, and she would say no more, not even to repeat that one sentence.

Robert called me into the front hall. “Maggie, we have a problem here.”

“We have quite a few, Bobby. Have you noticed that God awful smell?” Robert ignored me, staring at the front door with squinty eyes. Whenever he was particularly terrified, his eyes squinted up like an angry pit-bull’s.

The front door was cracked about half-way up from the floor. It was splintering. Whatever was scratching at it intended to get inside, no matter how long it took. I checked the mantle and the clock informed me that two hours had passed since Sasha had come inside. Pretty soon, it was clear, the door would give way, and whatever was out there would be in here, and Sasha still would not tell us what she had seen. And I knew that our front door was twise as thick as my arm, at least, and that it was something horrifyingly strong to be able to claw through that much wood this quickly.

“Well.” I told Robert, “We’ve got to get rid of Sasha.”

“What?!” Robert almost roared at me. It was the last thing he was expecting, I suppose, but I didn’t mean we ought to hand her over to whatever evil was at our door.

“I mean that that thing is obviously intent on getting to Sasha. It wasn’t there before she went outside tonight. It started right after she came in, didn’t it? So it wants Sasha. We get rid of Sasha, say, you take her out for a ride or something to that effect, and it goes away.”

“What happens to us, then? The thing follows us out and we get murdered, right? What kind of a plan is that?” Obviously I hadn’t thought it out all the way to the end, but I hadn’t really had a chance, had I?

“Where’s your plan then, Bobby? What ideas have you got?” There was a loud cracking sound from the front door, and Robert turned dead white.

“We’ve got to get her to talk, that’s all.” And so we trooped back into the dining room, where Sasha was sitting as she had been before, eyes focused on the empty wall.

“Sasha, love, there is something going to get inside very soon. You have to tell us what happened outside tonight. What did you see?” Sasha turned to Robert, and opened her lips, and from between them came the most God awful hiss accompanied by the worst smell I’ve ever been subjected to, and Sasha closed her mouth again, but kept looking at Robert and he seemed hypnotized, and I realized that there was not a space of her eyes that was not solid white; there were no pupils in them, and how I had not noticed before I will never know.

“Robert.” I whispered, almost choking on my own fear now, but my brother never heard me, for at that moment, the front door gave way to what was clawing at it, and into the room scrambled my sister’s soul.

I knew it was her soul at first sight, because it was a black, scrawny thing, with long claws and sharp pointy teeth, and it seemed that it’s eyes were an eternity of blue, which had been Sasha’s eye-color. And as they say that eyes are the window to the soul, it would make sense that one’s soul’s eye-color might be one’s own eye-color, and as Sasha wasn’t the nicest of people, it stood to reason that her soul would have claws and sharp teeth.

All of this flashed through my mind in an instant, of course, and the soul seemed to climb right through my brother and leap upon Sasha.

“Lost my body. Get it back. Lost my body. Get it back.” the soul was chanting with my sister’s voice as Robert and I watched, transfixed with horror. Sasha began screaming, but not for long. The soul reached into her mouth and ripped out her tongue.

“Lost my body. Get it back.” it chanted through a mouthful flesh and blood. The way of a lost soul to retrieve it’s body, it seemed, was to devour it. Robert and I watched as the soul tore our sister’s body apart and consumed it, blood, bones and all.

It began to make sense, in some horrifying way. Sasha had left the house whole, had sometime during her evening lost her soul (or body depending on which side you were looking at it from), and when she returned home, her soul had persued her. The blood on the bottoms of her shoes was still unacounted for, although I assumed it had something to do with how my youngest sister had managed to lose her soul. And the smell, of course, that made sense too. Without anything to fill the empty void inside, Sasha’s body had simply begun to rot. I read somewhere that if you take the insides of a pumpkin out, the pumpkin shell will rot sooner than if you had left the insides in. I can’t say for sure that that is true, but I imagine something like that was happening within Sasha. And the soul came just in time, it seemed. Judging by the reek issuing from Sasha’s mouth, she was half a moment away from total decay, and now that the soul was back, when the soul had devoured it’s shell, Sasha began to regrow around it. First her tongue, as that was the first thing the soul devoured, then her eyes, and so forth and so on, until it was Sasha herself who sat before us. She blinked up at Robert and myself, lay her head down upon the table, and said, “I believe I shall take a nap. I’m very tired, but not a bit hungry!” and with a chilling giggle, Sasha closed her eyes and fell asleep.

It was at least another three hours before Mom and Dad returned, and Mom ran at us with questions and a worried voice. Robert and I stood in the same places, watching our resouled sister sleeping soundly on the dining room table, and I don’t believe either of us really heard a word our mother was saying, until she asked finally, “What the hell happened tonight?” and Robert turned to her and answered, “It was dark outside.” and began to scream.

is it funky?

[09 Sep 2002|12:49pm]

for those keeping up with where it all began
it began chapter 2:

i feel like there is warm golden glow surrounding me,
it's porbly just the drugs.....
i slip around a corner that takes me back on to the main street,
i check my self in a window it's night and my pupils are dilated
to tiny pin prick's, a faint smile cross's my lip's
it's hard to hold my head up so i grab a slab of concert to park my ass on wile i nod out to the pictures flicking though my mind,
i see flowers grow at the same time they die, a plane taking off
then as it fly's the out lines of the plane turn into a giant flying needle, i must be fucked,]

"hello there" a silky smooth voice invades my subconscious mind
i struggle to open my eye's after bening in a world of such peace.
There she stood in tight leather pants and a lacey top,
she looked like every other slapper i've meet
but she had some thing there
not to bad looking either ...
she crouched be side me stoked my cheek...
i couldn't help smiling this was the easy'st lay i ever came acrosse
but i couldn't help but notice how cold her finger was agaisn't my face.
strugling i opened my eye's again and came face to face with her,
she had cruly dark hair that framed a pale face, with bright bule eye's shining though
she was cute there was no denying it.. she bent down and kissed my cheek with her icy lip's
i couldn't help but agree with my earlyer thought "yep easy"
she garbed my hand and pulled me up like a dumb dog i follwed with out a whimper.

well it started off as fun she kissed me all over but stoped at my neack,
the next thing i know i fealt two pin prick's on my skin,
fuck what the hell is she doning or is it just the drug's,
nah the drug's never made anything feel this real..
my energy started to fade every thing started to become dark
dizzness entered my head i was dieing that was all i knew and i hadn't
the energy to fight it,
is it funky?

blind eye [26 Aug 2002|05:13pm]

[ mood | crazy ]

I look around spotting a public totlet,
finely some where i can lock the door.
i rush in and slam the door behind me in my rush.
almost trembleing i lock the door,
my brain rattles off .
put the seat down it say's
now grab the spoon out of you kit,
clean it with a sawb don't want a drity fix's now.
fill up your ten mill barel, grab your pick,
got you truany, lay them all the sawbed seat...
i stare at my gears set up perfectly,
all i'm missing is my candle and that beautful little gary pill..
100 mg's of morphine soon to become 100 mgs of smack..
not quiet like real herro but home back will full the spot.

i light the candle, pull the pill out of my pocket,
i clean the gary off with anthere swab untill all i can see is white.
i lightly heat the pill untill it just sqiush's down with ease.i use bakeing powder to seperate the mg's fromthe wax.
i add a tiny bit of bakeing powder with a little water,
wacth as it foam's, i like to cook it untill it is silghtly golden
with a bit of white still visable..
add the trun, a vinager smell rasie's at the trun begans to heat up.
this shit is awful when the fumes get into your eyes.
the vinager small disapears and i'm left with geart looking golden
brown crusty things on the spoon,
as i add more water my heart speeds up and i feel slightly
dizy, starnge how the last minute its like i already have it in my vains, i let it cool, tiny little white of wax float on the sruface.
i never did understand how the wax from the candle manged to float into the spoon .
time to play docter now...
though in a filter and suck the juice's up the barrel.
put on the pick and find a comfey seat,
i wrap my truny around my upper arm and pump up my vain,
my hand begains to shake i'm always afaired i'm gonna slip and rip my vain open and there would be gashing blood hep c blood every where
but no it sildes in with ease a little buble of dark red fills the pick then the tip of the barel, push that puppy down girl about half way i losen my truny since i'm not working on bules it should be fine
i push it all the way down pull out the pick and race to get my truny off, silcne, my brain rush's out i sit with my back against the wall, taking in quick short beath's...
slowly time and reality start to take place slowly i stand up and start to put my kit away, as for my spoon i have a specail little container to keep it in so i derg the fuck out of it latter,
clik gose the lock on the door time to face the world and the drunk in the gutter yet again

is it funky?

point of view's [21 Aug 2002|11:13am]

[ mood | devious ]

standing stareing at ally way before me
it smell's like piss and there is a old drunk
wacthing me from a coner, sitting in his high and mighty spot
in the gutter.
He glare'a at me as i pass by
poor little thing, so deluded he think's
that i in my flash brought cloth's is the scum
sitting in my privet house wacthing the world pass by..
wile he live's of the earth and in a bottle, how could
i posable disagree...
Dispite the fact my coth's came off a dead man's back,
that i killed with my own two garyish hand's..
I can still see the image in my mind..
A lifless face stare's at a brick wall, a trickle of dried blood
flaking off his forhead leaving a red stain underneth...
there was once a pool of freash body floid underneth him..
now he just lay's there wearing nothing but his under cloth's..
It wasn't a cold killing...
It was a way of life killing to my life style what i did wasn't
wrong, i needed the cash and the cloth's was just luck, I don't see
lady luck much, that's way i never waste what she offer's me ...

2 funky things| is it funky?

hey. [20 Jun 2002|07:56am]
hahah, you guy's are all on crack. funny stories. i'm new.

i write short stories. i'd appreciate it if any of you would go down to my livejournal and read some. i think they're interesting, but i write them so... right.

1 funky thing| is it funky?

Humoring Pippin [29 May 2002|11:45pm]
[ mood | amused ]

Here's a funky humor story! And Ferocious Fairy needs to review it... :-p Just say nice story! :D Anyone else who reads it, please review it for me! I'd love to know what you think :)

http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=694992 Thanks everyone :D

1 funky thing| is it funky?

[28 May 2002|10:53am]

[ mood | okay ]

[I love writing funky stories! Glad to have come across this community.]

I'm walking down the street one day. So I'm walking and walking and walking...Then suddenly I see this tall blond stranger across the street. I take off my sunglasses to get a better view and who do I see? Oh my God, it's - Johnny Bravo!!!
They're shooting his next cartoon in front of my very eyes! Hey, where are you taking me??? Get off of me, you freak!!! I have my rights!! HEEEELP!
...I'm in some sort of a cage or something, I've got a bed and a....hey woman, where's the TV?!?!
She responds: Oh, you're awake. That's nice. Right in time for your medication.
Me? what medication?? I want my TV!!!!!

[Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week.]

is it funky?

The Misadventures of Rahjamaaaan and Poo-Tin! [25 May 2002|08:38pm]

[ mood | bored ]

One day at his house in the hills, Rajaaaaman decided that it was a nice day for a picnic, or a mixed lunch as they called it in funkyland. "Yum!" said Rajaaaaman, "There are so many things i can pack for a mixed lunch! I'll bring some vienna sausages, and some melba toast, and some apple juice, and some..." the list went on and on. Finally, once Rajaaaaman was done packing, he called his friend Poo-tin. Poo-tin's favorite food was poutine, and since he loved it so much he said "I'll bring some poooootine! It will make our mixed lunch complete! I'll be there in one quarter of 3 seconds and a half and..." Finally the door knocked and he was there.

They began to walk down the road to find a nice place to have their mixed lunch and they found this nice place in the middle of a cow farm. It was filled with poop, but they didn't care. Being hobnobbits and all, they loved poop, especially cow poop. They both nested in a big warm steaming pile of cow poop and they spread out their wicker blanket in front of them and began to eat their mixed lunch.

The smell of vienna sausages wafted over the cow farm and eventually reached Farmer Gonzo. "BLAST!" He cried, "IT'S THAT RAHJAMAAAAAN AND POO-TIN AGAIN! BLAST IT ALL TO FECK!" He charged across the field in a spiel of rage and saliva, with his trusty triple pitchfork in hand. Rahjamaaaaan and Poo-Tin heard Farmer Gonzo yelling, and Poo-Tin said "These vienna sausages gave us some rank-ass breath, let's fart and let go of all this vienna sausage breath! MIXED LUNCH POWER!" Rahjamaaaan and Poo-Tin agreed, and began farting and burping up a storm, creating a gas cloud the size of a gerbil. "This isn't big enough!" said Rahjamaaaaan, "we need more power, we just cannna dooo it!" The cows overheard Rahjamaaaan and Poo-tin's problems, and saw that Farmer Gonzo was nearing more and more by the hour (he was really old, and blind...) so they decided to help the poor hobnobbits out and make a big gas cloud, so the two, along with the cows, began farting and burping, and eventually the gas cloud was really big, as big as an airplane! Anyways, Farmer Gonzo was having a lot of trouble running among all the poop and he eventually tripped up and slided into the gas cloud. Choking and gasping, he cursed on the two and their mixed lunches and disintegrated into a cloud of rabbits.

"YAY!" everyone cried. Farmer Gonzo was gone, and it was all to do with the mixed lunches. Rahjamaaaan and Poo-tin ran the cow farm ever since and had mixed lunches every day. Little did they know that Farmer Gonzo was watching over them the whole time...


is it funky?

Frogs in a basket [24 May 2002|10:04pm]

[ mood | accomplished ]

Jim, a very unattractive frog, was out one day looking for love. He travelled far and wide to find another frog that would look at him without vomiting because he was so disgustingly pukey. But little did he know that he was a special frog... with a special purpose.

One day as Jim was walking through Hippieville, the land of hideous frogs, he heard a voice beyond the trees. This was the voice of an angel. A raspy, phlegmy angel. He hopped along, hoping that this frog would take him in and love his little froggie giblets, but it turned out to be an old dirty hippie lady. She would have been perfect if only she was a frog like himself. He began to mutter to himself, and started to hop away. The old dirty hippie lady heard his rustling among the forest floor, and immediately picked him up.

"My oh my, aren't you the most wonderful frog everr, duuuuuude!" said the old dirty hippie lady. "I wish," said Jim, "I'm a dirty loser frog, no one will love me, everrrrrr!" All of a sudden, Jim noticed an intense look of understanding on the old dirty hippie lady's ugly-as-sin face. "I'll love you frog dude," said the old dirty hippie lady, and she kissed him. "WHOA, DUUUUUDE...." said the old dirty hippie lady "THAT WAS THE FUNKIEST KISS I EVER HAD!" Little did Jim know that the old dirty hippie lady was tripping out because Jim was a 'special' frog. Old dirty hippie lady brought Jim to all of her old dirty hippie friends. Everyone started licking Jim and tripping out. Jim didn't appreciate being licked so they could trip out, but this was the most action he got in his life so he didn't mind. Jim and all of old dirty hippie lady's old dirty hippie friends lived happily ever after in an old dirty hippie shack in the woods... but little did they know that they wouldn't live happily ever after, just happily little while after...

Eventually, the Fuzz busted Jim and all of his old dirty hippie orgy buddies, and they all got arrested for drug posession, but Jim got it worst of all. He was the only frog in history to get the electric chair for posession, but he never regretted it, because he found cheap love from his old dirty hippie friends, and isn't cheap love the best love of all?


2 funky things| is it funky?

Polly Jane Buckley's Third Grade Crime [05 May 2002|12:38am]

When I was 9, my third grade class had a tradition. On May 5th, we'd all wear our nicest shoes. I wore my Mary Janes, shined and cleaned about three times the night before. Kenny Johnson wore his white Adidas. Those sneakers were so new and expensive. They were different and nicer than the ones today. We all wanted Adidas sneakers like Kenny had. Maura Laine Keppingham had lime green pumps on that day. Maura Laine said they were imported from England. I don't think many believed her but we were still awed by the flashy color of the pumps. Then, all other shoes and sneakers were forgotten. Lori Sue Campell, nine year old knockout entered the room, late as usual. She shrugged to Miss Woodham in the most casual way and walked to her seat. Kenny forgot he had his tooth white sneakers on and slid across the dusty classroom floor. Maura Laine ran over to Lori Sue's seat and one lime green pump fell off her foot. There, Lori Sue had on gorgeous shoes. They were open toed high heels, with a ribbon on each shoe, twirling up her leg, stopping at her knee. I admit it. I was jealous. Me, Polly Jane Buckley was jealous. Envious. Mad. Enranged. Miss Woodham gathered the class to their seats. The teacher started to talk about multiplacation but I was focused on what I could do to make this day hell for Lori Sue Campell. What did I have in my backpack? Hmmm...I had a can of toxic silly string, a butter knife, my homework, a bottle rat poison and a sharp calligraphy pen. Oh, yes! I had it! I had the perfect way to make her day hellish! The idea came from my backpack. As we moved on to Social Studies, Miss Woodham said, "Take out your homework, class." I carefully acted out my plan, while Lori Sue's back was turned, talking to Kara Lee. I did it. I went along with my plan, but I can't tell you the details because it was too inapropriate and horrible for words.

Yes, I stole Lori Sue Campell's homework essay that she had perfectly written. See? The idea came from my backpack!
is it funky?

you cant take it with you [04 May 2002|06:30pm]

[ mood | good ]

it was a queer, sultry summer. the summer they electrocuted martha stewart, and i didnt know what i was doing in her house. i was 'breaking an entry,' but martha had just died, so i didnt care. she was electrocuted for putting a powder that burned skin on all of her towels. little kids would finish taking their bath, and then all their skin would fall off once they put the towel around them. anyways, i was in her house and i wanted to see her bedroom, so i crept inside. her room was painted yellow and had red satin curtains that drooped on the floor. next to her twin size bed with blues clues on her sheets, were her drawers, i decided to peek in

in draw number one there was mouthwash, soap, a rubber duckie, latex condoms, and a leash. she didnt have any dogs, so i guess she used the leash while having interesting sex routines.

in drawer number two she had 3 spice girl dolls (baby, posh, and scary), a rubber chicken, a box of 4,187 tampons, and another rubber chicken

in drawer number three i saw something i had to have. it was a padded bra, but not just any padded bra , it was golden! i just had to play with it.
thats when the trouble started, when i reached for it, the alarm went off, all of the sudden i was surrounded by policemen (and policewomen!!!) they said "drop the padded bra and put your hands in the air, or we will have to---" then i ran out as quick as i could. i had to keep the padded bra, i knew it would sell for a ton of money on ebay. i got to the door and opened and a police was right there and he shot me. i went up to the gates of heaven, but the padded bra fell. who would have known, the person in front of me in line was martha herself! she said "you touched my padded bra, youre going to hell!" then i was in hell. but it was ok, because britney spears and nick carter were down there to keep me company. and they had padded bras, so i died happily ever after.

p.s. if anyone can guess that the first 2 sentances were inspired from, i'll hug you!!

3 funky things| is it funky?

Shoes by BobE [04 May 2002|07:04pm]

[ mood | good ]


</small>Nike, Airwalks, Sketchers Sneakers. "Leather" dress shoes. K-Mart Kickers. Flip-flops. Sizes 1 to 12. Wide, narrow. From the mall, the marts, thrift stores, Goodwill. I guess it's like what Forrest Gump once said, "I've worn lots of shoes." Well, now that I think about it, I haven't worn as many shoes as most others have. Am I jealous of them? Yes, of course I am. How could I not be?

I was five, yeah that's right, Kindergarten. First day of school. Was I happy? No. I was wearing my flashy blinking shoes. The ones that when you take a step, these little red lights blinked. They were so cool back then. I loved them. The little scarlet flickers made me a pretty happy kid, normally. I was up way too early that day. I really didn't like the situation. Imagine: You are like |this| tall, awake 3 or 4 hours earlier than you usually like to, well, during the week anyways. The weekend was different. Cartoons, of course. What I would have given to be sitting on the couch watching that silly coyote, instead I was on the street corner, having pictures taken of me. They told me to smile. I told them to let me go back inside. So, the compromise was: I don't smile, they take pictures, I get herded onto the bus. Real fair. I've never liked having my picture taken since, nor do I smile needlessly.

Basically, this continued for all of my pre-college life. Most of the smiles I gave were false. From day to day, I didn't have much to be happy about. Working, arguing, learning, teaching, slacking. But yes, occasionally that true smile would come out, but people didn't really know when it happened. My shoes were made from fake leather, exported from France, good price too. Most of the time when I smiled, people either knew I was faking, or was trying to get something out of them. Smiles were just bribes, in a way. Manipulation.

I remember in elementary school when I first tied my shoes for myself. I was at some assembly at a different elementary school. It was a show they had put on for their parents. I didn't see the point in them then, I don't now. I guess it's to show the parents that there is a school that goes along with the entourage of yellow buses. If it were up to me, I'd rather not see my tax dollars invested in forty kids dressed in expensive costumes, walking "like Egyptians" to horrible music. That's just me. Anyway, I was sitting in the chair at a table watching one boring skit after another, but I decided my time would better be invested in sitting under the table, pretending I was somewhere else. Anywhere: under the ocean, on the moon, in a big crowded city loaded with obnoxious pedestrians and tourists.

I sat under that table, thinking about everything I wanted to do in my life, not much came to me. All the meanwhile, I had been fiddling with my first laced shoes. You can't imagine how angry I was when my mom had bought me these instead of the Velcro, even thinking about it now makes me want to smash some plates, throw a TV off a bridge, or ninja kick a punching bag. I was trying to figure out a way to destroy or rip up the shoe laces. No success. In doing so, I accidentally tied them up as I had seen so many do before. I was a self-taught lacer, no one had every shown me how simple it was. All they did was do it for me. I guess they believed giving someone a fish was more beneficial, having an advantage over someone. Given, tying shoelaces wasn't much of an advantage, but it still was one. After the show, I showed everyone my shoes, proclaiming my happiness. I smiled.

Until today, I wore two-hundred dollar sneakers that I got from the mall. But, today I changed. I was walking along the crowded sidewalk this morning, as usual. Everyone so busy, doing some random work, just to be able to go to a nice home tonight. And, also as usual, I was stopped by a homeless person, kindly calling for me, but this one was different. He did not ask me for money. He did not ask me for a place to work. He asked for my shoes. That's all. This threw me off. Why my shoes? Why not some spare change? Why not a lunch? I asked him why. Simply he replied, "I don't have shoes. The bottoms of my feet are cut up. I just want to walk around, without having to look for glass shards. I want to walk; to walk in your shoes." He was willing to show me his feet, but I respectfully declined and gave him what he wanted. The joy on his face, his quiet thank you, it was worth well over two-hundred dollars. Then I realized that a pair of five dollar shoes from Goodwill would have made him just as happy, because all he wanted was to walk, to walk a mile in my shoes. It all made so much sense; I understood now. I walked that mile home, collecting on my barefeet: 3 tacks, 2 safety pins, and 6 peices of glass. I couldn't have felt better.</small>

5 funky things| is it funky?

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