Tinabops (tinabops) wrote in funky_stories,

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Help, please?

I don't know if anyone's around or reading this, but if you're out there, could you please just read through this (it's not too long) and give me some feedback? I'd like to know if you'd add/remove anything, if anything is unclear, and if it's a good story (ie: you find the story builds up to a climax, even if it's slight). I appreciate any help in the next few hours (this is due tomorrow).

Eeot stood at the podium, looking at her audience of scholars, reporters and the public, all interested in what she had to say. The topic: the creatures that roamed before Earth this era. Research into their planet’s past had been going on for years since these people acquired new technology , and now the researchers were finally ready to release their findings in the usual manner, with as complete a report as possible and the information available to all.

The audience waited quietly, patiently; ready to absorb the information as soon as Eeot could deliver it. She moved one of her appendages up and began to relate her findings through gesticulations and a telepathic word here and there for emphasis. This was the first time the information Eeot had gathered throughout the last fifteen years was being delivered to the public. Their excitement was evident, as they absorbed the information as quickly as she related it to them.

"Much time ago, there lived another race of beings on our planet. We found enough documentation to determine that they had many languages, but the most dominant one in later years was called English, and in this language, they called themselves humans. Before humans died out, the majority of them had taken on this language.

"Humans went through many stages of evolution. We found many skeletons, and through our dating system found that in some areas, the bone structures show increasing decay the closer they are to our time. The Earth back then, had many landmasses, a few of them ten times larger than any of the three we have today. We can only assume that some areas of the Earth were healthier than others: that the skeletons found on the larger land masses showed more decay as time passed because of high amounts of pollution created in those areas. This must be the case, as we found uncommon elements in the bone structures of the beings from the larger landmasses than the ones from the smaller masses, which were similar in makeup to the earliest skeleton bone structures found.

"The research team spent many hours out in the open sea, collecting objects now fastened to coral, and digging deep into the sands at the bottom of the water to find objects humans created. We then analyzed the objects and applied what knowledge we could decipher from the documentation of the humans to these objects to get a better idea of what they used them for, and therefore what they valued.

"We found many, many things." Here Eeot began to project images of the items found into the audience members’ minds as she spoke and described each item.
"This is an early personal transportation vehicle, highly decayed. We assume the beings placed great importance on traveling from one destination to another at high speeds. We found much documentation that indicated cars, as the humans called these vehicles, were extremely important to their society. As we searched, we found more transportation vehicles, increased in what we assume was speed and technology. The later vehicles we found, and the documentation that accompanied them, indicated that they were guided by computers and used highly sophisticated systems to navigate them, as opposed to the earlier versions which only had viewscreens and onboard, digital maps to assist the driver..
"The humans had many of what they called electronics. These evolved from the primitive handheld personal computer to much more complex, and much smaller, systems that combined sound, image and text to create whole worlds in which the humans could explore fantasy for entertainment, and reality for education.
"They placed a great importance on consumption: various companies pushed products and services onto the general public in order to receive vast amounts of their currency. This drove their society - everything revolved around it. If some people didn’t have any, they were left on the street to die in extreme weather conditions. Later, people with no money were seen as such a nuisance that they were rounded up and herded off to other continents, left to fend for themselves.
"Humans had a technology they called Artificial Intelligence - which were, essentially, smart robots - to aid them in various routine tasks that they felt took up too much of their time. This race of artificially intelligent beings was modeled in the shape of humans, and we found a few on which to base our assumptions of what humans looked like.

"Their countries began to develop large weapons of mass destruction. To fire off one of these would have caused a large portion of the Earth to be uninhabitable for hundreds of years, not to mention the mutilations it would have caused in these humans. These weapons were nuclear, created by splitting the atom. The largest and most politically charged countries developed strong nuclear presences and used their presences to intimidate other countries. Security was unstable and war was imminent for many decades. We do not, however, have documentation of a war ever happening.

"Earth today has very few land masses compared to what it used to. Water is abundant, though we can only live in it when its temperature is at a certain level. The rest of the time we must remain on land or below the waters in our cities protected by glass . Earth was not always like this. At one point, the humans had a lot more land to live on. They couldn't live in water - only on it, in vessels called ships. These floated on top of the water, allowing a small amount of people to live in them for short periods of time. Some had homes on smaller ships, usually in canals.

"Advanced medical care allowed people to live unnaturally long lives . This caused overpopulation proven by our dicovery of ms graves, where bodies were thrown in on top of the other. Burning corpses became a highly documented pollution problem. It became quite difficult for the humans to dispose of corpses safely. Eventually, they burned them in contained areas, purified the smoke and ejected the ashes into space.

"This is an incomplete picture of human society. We do not know what came before this, but everything must come from something and so we continue our search. We have not found much about the time before the era I spoke of today. I fear we will never know what they came from, or what happened before humans came about. Did another race rule the Earth before them? Some of the documentation mentions fossils and their decay into something called fossil fuels. These powered much of their lives, so anything that came before has probably long since decayed and been used as fuel by their society.

"We also do not know what became of humans. We do not know why their race died out, but we will continue to search the depths of the oceans until we find out. We will not let this go, as this is our planet’s history and is therefore important to our identity."

Eeot finished her conclusion, and stepped away from the podium. She knew debates and discussions would now arise from the information she had related to the audience, and she would receive much feedback and many questions over the next while that she could concentrate on attempting to answer.

A few days later, one of Eeot’s research team ran into her office.

"Eeot, I’ve discovered the ending to our history," he gesticulated to her. She jumped over to him, and waved her three appendages around excitedly.

"Laaot! What have you found?" In her excitement, she couldn’t help telepathically shouting each word at him.

Laaot smiled.

"Come and see." He turned and left the office, gliding quickly along the halls to his lab.

"I found this piece of equipment three excursions ago. It’s the reason I asked to stay behind and be excused from analysing the new data we’ve been collecting. It took me a while to figure it out, but once I did…" He turned it on and began to show her how it worked. Eeot smiled, knowing he’d found a gem.
Eeot stood at the podium once more. Questions had been flying about since her last information relation. Trying not to gesticulate too excitedly, she waited for the audience’s attention. They were as excited as her, eager for the conclusion to her story.

"Last time I related information about Earth’s history, I told said we did not know how the race of humans died out. In the ensuing weeks, a member of my research team, Laaot, discovered the answer through a piece of technology he found on one of our excursions.

"This piece of technology was different than the others, in that it required much more interaction." Eeot projected telepathically to her audience the image of the technology, and of Laaot using it.

"Laaot wore the piece on his head, and before him a large screen came up. It was rich with layered images and text, all of it describing many years of history of the humans . It ended with a chilling tale of competition and hatred that ultimately resulted in the loss of humans from this planet.

"There were originally many countries on the different continents that populated Earth. They were separated by fictitious lines, a way of creating communities of people with similar locations and interests. Eventually, these lines between countries dissolved and three nations remained: The Americas (the smallest of the three landmasses we know today), Europe (the largest of the three) and The South (the medium sized of the three), which was a coalition of the southern continents. Humans were once divided into different races. These included combinations of people with pale skin and brown, blond or red hair with green, blue or brown eyes; people with light brown to dark brown skin with dark brown and black hair, and dark brown eyes; and people with olive skin, dark hair and dark brown eyes. Eventually, everyone in The Americas and Europe became so mixed through breeding that their skin colour became gray, their hair all became mousy brown and their eyes became gray.

"The South still believed in pure blood and only bred within their separate races. They still retained the colours of their ancestors, and hated The Americas and Europe for diluting their roots to such a point that all their past was erased in their gray uniformity. Likewise, The Americas and Europe hated The South for having such different views and not opening up their minds to new possibilities. Eventually they developed their philosophy to the point where they believed they could only evolve if everyone mixed, and that The South humans would never become more than what they were because they wouldn’t mix. This was when each nation’s nuclear presence increased. They did understand how destructive nuclear weapons could be and so a truce was drawn up not to use them. Still, each nation kept its weapons.

"According to the documentation, The Americas and The South had the strongest dislike for each other. Europe was allied with The Americas but didn’t actively hate The South as much as The Americas did.

"The Americas were very advanced in technology. They had incorporated a race of even more technologically advanced humans, once called the Japanese, into their own a few hundred years earlier, and so benefited from their knowledge and insight. They eventually developed warp technology and were about to launch into space, when all the tensions and hatred for them coming from The South culminated.

"The South wanted to get into outer space - that is, the space beyond our moon - before anyone else. They also felt that only purists should go into space, as they feared those who intermixed would not be hesitant to intermix with other alien races - a danger, they felt, to the identity of humans.

"They launched a nuclear missile and devastated The Americas. Nothing was left. Europe discovered what had happened almost instantly - they were in constant contact with The Americas, and monitored the earth from information stations. They launched their missile to The South, fearing their own safety. But it was too late - The South had already launched their missile.

"All nations were wiped out in less than three hours. A few humans had bomb shelters and the author of this document survived long enough in one of those to document the end of humans."
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Do you want brutual honesty?


March 6 2006, 18:55:25 UTC 12 years ago

god bless anyone who actually read that. don't post anymore novels or at least put it under a cut- inconsiderate asshole