chrystal methidone (kitchen_floor87) wrote in funky_stories,
chrystal methidone

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you cant take it with you

it was a queer, sultry summer. the summer they electrocuted martha stewart, and i didnt know what i was doing in her house. i was 'breaking an entry,' but martha had just died, so i didnt care. she was electrocuted for putting a powder that burned skin on all of her towels. little kids would finish taking their bath, and then all their skin would fall off once they put the towel around them. anyways, i was in her house and i wanted to see her bedroom, so i crept inside. her room was painted yellow and had red satin curtains that drooped on the floor. next to her twin size bed with blues clues on her sheets, were her drawers, i decided to peek in

in draw number one there was mouthwash, soap, a rubber duckie, latex condoms, and a leash. she didnt have any dogs, so i guess she used the leash while having interesting sex routines.

in drawer number two she had 3 spice girl dolls (baby, posh, and scary), a rubber chicken, a box of 4,187 tampons, and another rubber chicken

in drawer number three i saw something i had to have. it was a padded bra, but not just any padded bra , it was golden! i just had to play with it.
thats when the trouble started, when i reached for it, the alarm went off, all of the sudden i was surrounded by policemen (and policewomen!!!) they said "drop the padded bra and put your hands in the air, or we will have to---" then i ran out as quick as i could. i had to keep the padded bra, i knew it would sell for a ton of money on ebay. i got to the door and opened and a police was right there and he shot me. i went up to the gates of heaven, but the padded bra fell. who would have known, the person in front of me in line was martha herself! she said "you touched my padded bra, youre going to hell!" then i was in hell. but it was ok, because britney spears and nick carter were down there to keep me company. and they had padded bras, so i died happily ever after.

p.s. if anyone can guess that the first 2 sentances were inspired from, i'll hug you!!
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